The Future Belongs to Those Who Show Up (A Guide to a First Date)

If you don't do, you won't get. 

If you want her/him, make her/him feel wanted.

If you're on a first date (finding a date is the subject of another blog), here are some rules you'll want to consider if you want it to continue to a second date. Keep in mind that you're interviewing someone with whom you might spend the rest of your life. Be honest, but be polite. It may work out (or it may not, but she/he knows someone for you).

MEN:

1. Dress nicely (as is appropriate for the event). You can never go wrong with a blazer; it can go well with jeans or slacks. Bonus: it covers up sweat stains (if you're nervous) and allows you to offer it to your date (see Rule #15).
2. Smell nicely! Smell is a very powerful sense. Showering before the date is not enough. Spray on a little cologne (NOT too much) - your scent shouldn't enter the room first and knock her back on her feet.
3. Be trimmed and combed (hair, beard, and nails). If she wanted to date a Neanderthal who could climb walls with his fingernails, she'd build a time machine.
4. Do not suggest a place where you might run into your ex, your crush, your parents, etc.
5. Do not talk about any previously dated women, even in an attempt to give her a compliment. All comments should be directed toward your date.
6. Do not talk about past relationships and do NOT look at other women. The date is about spending time with her.
7. Do not talk excessively about your work. Women want to know you're successful, hard-working, and have goals. We do not want to think you are a stressed out, unappreciated, underpaid, angry workaholic.
8. Do not talk excessively about yourself. Women like to know that you're actually interested in her.
9. The Art of the Compliment... one of the toughest of the rules. Try to find the adjective that the woman would think applies to her. Do not excessively compliment her (if you are really blown away by this person, try to make some of the compliments more subtle or hidden); you don't want to scare her away or make her think you'll morph into a stalker.
10. Do not ask the woman if she would split the bill or tip. It shows you're cheap (not frugal).
11. If she does offer to pay half the dinner bill and you enjoyed her company, don't let her pay. If you hated every moment, let her pay her half and thank her politely.
12. Don't be rude. If you aren't having a good time, either politely end the date early (though not in the middle of dinner or a movie) or suffer through it and be polite at the end. And just because you were miserable doesn't give you the right to ask for her half of the dinner bill. Don't ask for the cost of her movie ticket either (suck it up; it's not that expensive).
13. Open the door for the woman and pull her chair out for her. It has nothing to do with whether she's a lady or a whore; it shows more for you, the perpetual gentlemen.
14. Don't talk about anything negative (that means you don't bring up your bad business luck or the fight you just had with your mother). If you have to explain your bad mood, be vague but positive, and DO NOT allow the bad mood to accompany you throughout your date.
15. Ask the woman if she's cold (don't wait for her to volunteer that information). If she is, give her your jacket.
16. Put your cell phone away (unless you're an ER doctor or on-call, in which case you should let her know ahead of time [and then she'll feel great she's on a date with a doctor]). If you must, play the cell phone/bill game (and then refuse to let her pay).
17. Don't give her false hope. If it didn't work for you, simply tell the girl that it isn't going to work out and never, ever tell the girl why (even if she asks). Don't not call her and assume she'll take the hint.
18. If you do like her, either ask her for a second date at the end of the first date (if you feel extremely confident) or ask/tell her you'll call her the next day (and do so). Do what you say you're going to do.
19. NO TEXTING until the third date or so (unless it's a quick thank you for the date). There are nuances that are missed and it becomes impersonal too quickly.

WOMEN:

1. Dress nicely (as is appropriate for the event).
2. Smell nicely! Smell is a very powerful sense. Showering is insufficient... Spray on a little perfume. Make him want to get closer to smell it (in other words, don't spray it on like a whore).
3. Wear a little makeup (depending on your personality). Don't layer it on with a spatula (he'll wonder what you are hiding underneath); moderate or light makeup (evening out skin tone and hiding blemishes) shows you care about your looks, even if you don't.
4. Do not suggest a place where you might run into your ex, your crush, your parents, etc.
5. Do not talk about any previously dated men. All comments should be directed toward your date.
6. Do not talk about past relationships or look at other men. The date is all about him.
7. Do not give excessive details about work stuff. Men want to know you care about your job; they don't need to know about interpersonal office drama.
8. Don't be self-centered and talk excessively about yourself. People want to know you're interested in them too.
9. Don't talk about marriage, how many children you want to bear, or girly subjects unless you want to scare the guy away. Don't be that girl.
10. Split the bill or at least offer to split it (or pay tip). Guys go on many dates and it is unfair to expect a guy (who likely makes as much as you) to constantly pay for twice as many meals as any normal human being can eat. You're not a precious flower waiting to be plucked.
11. If you are hinting something to the guy and he doesn't seem to notice, open your mouth and be vocal. Some guys are better than others about reading body language - do not make him read your mind.
12. Don't be rude. If you aren't having a good time, either politely end the date early (not in the middle of dinner or a movie) or suffer through it and be polite at the end. And just because you were miserable doesn't mean you shouldn't offer to pay for half of dinner.
13. Don't order the most expensive thing on the menu but don't be a supermodel and order an appetizer for dinner. Men want to know their women are normal.
14. Have fun and SHOW that you're having fun. Men are visual creatures who have ears. They are NOT psychic. Use happy words and SMILE. Say you are having a good time.
15. Don't give him false hope. If it just didn't work for you, be clear in telling the guy that it isn't going to work BEFORE he thinks to ask you out again. And never, ever tell the guy why (even if he asks).
16. If you do like him, let him know with words and actions. Be open and provide him with your phone number.
17. NO TEXTING until the third date or so (unless it's a quick thank you for the date). There are nuances that are missed and it becomes impersonal too quickly.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, a first date doesn't go well. I'm a huge proponent of people going on second dates. The first impression shouldn't always be the last, and you never know what the circumstances were that caused the awful first date (who knows, they might have been sick or they might have been extremely nervous because they like you so much)....

Good luck!